Baby Man Pains
by MichaelaTheUchiha
Summary: The Dynamic Trio: Dick, Barbara, and Jason (along with Bruce) take down Two-Face and his goons while talking about Jason's baby man pains. Rated T for Jason's language. Sorta crackish.


"So, are you over your baby man pains yet?"

Robin choked on his own spit as he flipped over a henchman and drop kicked him into submission. "I-what?"

"Nightwing, I think you have managed to shock him into not talking. Congrats, you deserve a medal." Batgirl's amused voice smoothed over through the radio as she back kicked a henchman into another one.

Nightwing's cackle flew in through the radio as he took down three henchmen at once.

That cocky little shit, Robin thought to himself (completely ignoring the fact that Nightwing was, in fact, taller than him). I am going to strangle him one day.

"What brought that question on, Dickiebird?" Robin asked, throwing a birdarang at one of the henchmen that was trying to aim a gun at Batgirl's face. Batgirl sent him a thumbs up and then shot a batarang at his direction, which caused Robin duck because oh shit, Batgirl throwing a sharp object was some scary shit that even he didn't dare cross and heard the tell-tale sign of a batarang hitting a knife. Robin immediately back kicked the guy who tried to shank him and knocked him out with a swift punch of justice to the face.

"You've been coming home lately with weird baby man pains," stated Nightwing, punching a guy in the face. He didn't have the swift punch of justice because he wasn't cool like that. "It's been hilarious to watch you struggle, but I thought that as your older brother, I should technically try to help you before laughing myself into a coma."

"Wow," deadpanned Robin, round-house kicking a dude in the face. "I feel the love, _bro._"

"Now, I have a question for you, Nightwing," started Batgirl as she kicked a guy in the nads (which Robin had to wince at due to being a man and he was pretty sure that Nightwing had winced as well), "what, pray tell, is a "baby man pain"?"

She's going to regret asking that. So much regret, thought Robin solemnly.

"Angsting by a baby who is trying to become a man," answered Nightwing easily, kicking a guy in the face.

"Wha-SCREW YOU!" shouted Robin over Batgirl's giggles, snap kicking a henchman's chin.

"Ew, incest, how impure, Robin," replied Nightwing with mock-disgust, tripping a henchman into another henchman. "I didn't know you swung this way."

Robin yelled something obscene back.

"Watch your language." Nightwing gasped. "There is a lady present."

Batgirl snorted as Robin replied, "The few curse words that I hadn't learnt from the street, I learnt from her. You can take your patronising and shove it up your-"

"So, what is causing your, ahem, baby man pains?" asked Batgirl with a smirk as she tazed someone.

Robin quieted down somewhat because if there was anyone who could calm him down, it was Batgirl (it was caused by a healthy fear of the female gender plus the fact that Batgirl had tried to kill him several times already).

"Um, there's this girl..." mumbled Robin, cartwheeling into someone's face because why not? "At my school..."

"Awww, little Robin is growing up," Nightwing cooed, also cartwheeling into someone's face. Robin made a face at Nightwing because, hey, move stealer and he wasn't a baby, but then Nightwing said, "Technically, the cartwheel move was mine first, so you are actually copying me not the other way around, little Robin."

Robin scowled because Nightwing was able to read his thoughts again even though he didn't have a telepath in close range, so unfair.

"So, you like her, but you don't know how to ask her out?" asked Batgirl, getting the two back on topic while kicking a henchman in the kneecap.

"Yup, pretty much. I mean, who wouldn't like me and this beautiful self, but..." Robin trailed off while smashing two henchmen's heads together.

"Little bro, you'll do fine," assured Nightwing, flipping and knocking people out as quick as can be. Such a little shit. "Just try not to curse so much in her presence and don't be an arsehole."

"But I am an arsehole," Robin stated in what was most definitely not a whine nope not at all. "It's not like I can turn it off!"

"Nightwing certainly can," stated Batgirl, amused.

"It's a gift," replied Nightwing, not at all insulted. "But, no, seriously, Robin, you'll be fine. And if not, we can cuddle together as you eat a gallon of ice cream and we can watch romantic comedies."

"Ew, no," Robin immediately rejected.

"I agree, ew, no," stated Batgirl, her nose wrinkling as she knocked out another goon.

Nightwing opened his mouth as if to reply, but the three of them were interrupted by a voice from the balcony.

"Are-Are you guys talking about relationship problems while my henchmen are trying to take you down?" asked Two-Face, glaring at the three below as he and Batman continued to fight.

The three of the looked at each other and looked back up at Two-Face, smiling innocently.

"Yes," they chorused as one, each of them knocking out the last of Two-Face's henchmen.

Before Two-Face could really react, Batman knocked out Two-Face with the swift punch of justice (Batman had that because he was Batman, duh) and tied Two-Face up.

"Robin, you are not allowed to date if it will interfere with your school work and this work," stated Batman seriously. "In fact, you shouldn't be allowed to date at all. This life takes too much time."

Nightwing let out a cough that sounded suspiciously of "Selena," "Talia," and "Diana," but Batman ignored Nightwing with ease as Robin groaned.

"So much sadness," he moaned. "Woe is me. I cannot find a mate."

Batgirl put a hand on Robin's shoulder consolingly.

**A/N: I'm so sorry about the fact that everyone is so out of character. ;~;**

**Edit: So, uh, a guest said, rightly, that it's not technically the Dynamic Trio because Bruce is there, but I'm ignoring Bruce because he's not a major character in this and because the Dynamic Trio sounds better than the Dynamic Quadruplet, shhhhhhhhhhhh. **


End file.
